Just fell off a train. Bad.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
