I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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