So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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