I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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