She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
