I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
