yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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