kristin has been a bad kristin
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
3pm strippers are depressing
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
