do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
