So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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