My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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