How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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