He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
