Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
