Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
