he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
