Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
