Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
