Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Randomize
