well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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