I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
