she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
