they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
