Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
