God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
