She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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