I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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