nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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