No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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