u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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