return my video game
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
