How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
