ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
