wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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