you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
