My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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