i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
