dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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