so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
