the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
