I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
