is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
