I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
