Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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