I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize