Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
