called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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