Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize