I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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