i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
