so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
