I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
