i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
