apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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