it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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