i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
