I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
