i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
