How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize