which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
