drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
