Pappa wants mamma naked
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
