hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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