don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
