The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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