i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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