It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
