woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
