i wish semen tasted like chocolate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
