his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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