I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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