I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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