I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
