We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
